I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
