two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
