He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
