Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
