im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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