woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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