i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
