Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
