I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm at about main and main street
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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