Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
