so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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