Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
