I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
