wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
