Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize