let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
