she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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