I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
