Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
