I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
