Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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