Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
