I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
