It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
