tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
