We're like a lot better than the average bears
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
