you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
love makes seman taste better
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Damn victory sex feels great
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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