PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize