If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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