do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
