This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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