I met the friendliest cop last night
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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