have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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