Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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