oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
