it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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