You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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