at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
