Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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