Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
