I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
