You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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