I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He felt like a one man threesome
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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