I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
