i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
