Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize