she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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