You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
