Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
