I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
