this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize