im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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