I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
