Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
