I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
