I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
