shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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