I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
