2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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