i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
