worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
