nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I party with great urgency now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
