I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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