I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
