I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
