i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
