I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
