I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
