I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
