Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
