If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
last night I used snow as a chaser
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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