honey bunches of taint.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
