I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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