Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
