I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
