You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
