i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
