If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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