he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
