I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
