I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
