I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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