I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
