if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
