fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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