hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The air was thick with penises
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Please don't give away my fajitas
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
