Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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