Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
