I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
