i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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