planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
