Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
