So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
