whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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